1. Be positive.
Consider carefully his strengths and his weaknesses and find out all you can about the reasons for his non-achievement, and ways of alleviating it. Discuss the problem with his teacher and with him. Urgently and determinedly seek appropriate assessment of his difficulties and appropriate teaching help. Both parents need to be involved in all consultations, etc. But, please, don't hawk him round for assessment at short intervals by a variety of experts. Find the person in whom you have faith and stick with him.

2. Be patient and persevering.
(a) Be patient and persevering with his teachers - carefully develop a good parent/ teacher relationship. You must set up the communication network and keep it going. Information is not always passed on from teacher to teacher or school to school.

If a new teacher arrives, go and make yourself known to him. At secondary level you need to get to know the year tutor/house master and all subject teachers.

Be diplomatic - of course you are very worried and anxious (teachers should understand this - but they also have problems - a whole class full). At all times ask yourself "Is what I am doing helping my child or merely giving vent to my own frustration?" Keep your anger and your bitterness to yourself, whatever anyone says to you or about you. Your attitude can do more harm than good, so keep cool, calm and dignified.

(b) Be patient and persevering with him - patiently teach him to do things for himself; to tie his tie (do this over his shoulder in front of the mirror), tie his shoe laces, to dress himself correctly, to tell the time, left from right etc. Be patient also with the progress he makes once he is receiving appropriate teaching help - no miracles will happen; it takes time, determination and hard work. Teach him independence and how to help himself. For example, until he knows left from right, see that his bicycle bell is on the left handle bar so that he can ride on the 'bell' side of the road. Send him on simple errands, encourage him to use the telephone, particularly the public phone. If he has a train journey to make alone, tell him what time he should arrive and how many stops there will be before his destination.

3. Be aware.
Be aware of the problems, symptoms and signs of stress. He'll be called 'dumb head' etc. by his peers, 'lazy', 'stupid' by some adults; he'll be late to football or miss it altogether because he hasn't finished his written work, and it takes him so long to change and get his boots on. He'll hate the teacher who asks him to read in front of the class or holds him up to ridicule for the results of a multiplication tables or a spelling test. He will be frustrated by so many things besides school work - not comprehending the time of year in relation to the months, not knowing which day of the week it is, not being able to differentiate between his nearest local towns.

He has many disappointments, but he learns to live with them and can be helped to avoid them most of the time - providing you can be one step ahead and realize the risk before it becomes a problem - and do something about it.

Be aware of stress signs, such as bed-wetting and introversion which need subtle handling. Aggression and anti-social behaviour have to be checked gently but firmly. Never think all the stress signs are because he is dyslexic - he is growing up too and has all the problems of adolescence. It is a good idea to talk to parents of non-dyslexic children - how are they behaving? It helps to get things into perspective.

Be aware also of the ignorance and misunderstanding you will meet at all levels. Head teachers, teachers, G.P.s, psychologists, employers, etc. - not all, by any stretch of the imagination, have understanding or sympathy for the dyslexic.

It follows therefore that not all the advice you are given is good advice.

Again, be aware that school failure is often more obvious at home. You have to decide when he is twisting you round his little finger and when the problems are overwhelming him. You need to be something of a psychologist. "I'm dyslexic - I can't do it." "Yes, you're dyslexic and it will take you longer; you know that, but you can do it". Sometimes they may try it on - don't encourage it! This is where the good parent/teacher relationship comes into its own. The teacher in whom you have confidence will be able to put your mind at rest or take action appropriately.

Are you aware that your child has to work exceedingly hard at school and does get very, very tired? He may even become so exhausted he needs a day off occasionally. So avoid pressure at home with reading and writing. Even though they forget a lot during school holidays - let them have holidays. Other things to avoid - jealousies between siblings. Your dyslexic child (or children) is very dependent on you and you give him a great deal of your attention. But it must never be at the expense of other children in the family who appear to be doing well without any help from you. They can develop all sorts of emotional problems through feeling left out and jealous and you may not see it happening. Never fall into the trap of comparing one child to another either in or out of your family.

Avoid failure situations at home - he gets enough of those at school. Home must be a safe place, so don't show your anxiety if you can possibly avoid it - it adds to his feeling of inadequacy. You are in danger of becoming neurotic and of being over protective. At some stage mothers of dyslexics will doubtless succumb to this - but make it as short as possible and then get things back into perspective. Generally men, whilst finding it difficult to accept that their child has a specific problem, are more objective and no-one calls them 'neurotic mothers'. So life is considerably easier for everyone if the family is involved and not just mother and child, and emotional situations within the home are less likely to arise. Of course, mother and father won't always agree as to the best course of action - this is very normal.

4. Be practical.
Not many parents are able to teach their own children, but there are many ways in which you can help, unobtrusively.

Read to him - never mind his age. Up to 5, 6, 7 you will be doing this anyway - don't ask him to, but let him if he wants to. He may ask you to at 15, 16, 17. There's a lot of reading to be done and many dyslexics find that after a while they are no longer comprehending what they are reading - that is when you come in. Even so, he may only be able to take in so much before his concentration goes, so it has to be done in short spells.

Note taking is difficult - particularly copying from the blackboard. Their writing deteriorates and words are sometimes omitted (leaving out 'not' or 'no' makes a vast difference to the sense of a sentence). So suggest you type his notes.

His English Literature set books can be put on tape - it takes time. You may find they're already on cassettes. Take him to his Shakespeare play: listen to it on the radio.

There is a huge variety of things to be learned from the television - watch it with him and discuss what you see. There are endless games to play, involving the whole family or just a couple of you, which will help him.

It is vital to keep him motivated - build on his strengths - he has some and they need encouraging. Encourage his interests and feed him information. Encourage leisure activities - fishing, collectingstamps, fossils, modelling, cooking, etc. Give praise - take no achievement for granted - a slight improvement in handwriting - when he lays the table correctly etc. It is all too easy to complain - it is far more difficult to remember to praise and we all need encouragement.

Boost his self-confidence and self-esteem. Even if he appears self-assured, deep down he is very anxious.

5. Buttons and bows.
Three of the most difficult tasks for a parent to teach their children are:
fastening shoes, fastening buttons and tying ties.

Have you ever thought what it must be like multiplied by 30? That is the mammoth task faced by a reception class teacher at school. The children have to change for P.E. or games or dancing, and the class is allocated just 20 minutes in the hall.

To buy slip-on shoes or gym shoes, a tie knot on elastic can be a stop gap measure, but it only postpones the issue. Yet once these tasks are conquered, they are learned for life - it is like learning to ride a bicycle.

Here are one or two tips that may be of help to one or two of you:

Firstly, you must realise that a left-handed person performs these tasks differently to a right-handed person. So, if you are right-handed and your child is left-handed (or vice versa) you will always FACE your child when showing them how to tie their tie or shoe laces. BUT, if you are both right-handed, or left-handed, you must stand BEHIND them.

Secondly, do encourage your child to put into words what he/she is doing (like in knitting - 'in, over, through and off').

For teaching children how to tie shoe laces, I use either a piece of white cord, half of which I dye red, and place the red on the right; or two different coloured boot laces fastened together. I also use a man's shoe, placing the toe of the shoe away from the child. This combination makes it easier for the child to distinguish the different ends and bows, etc.

For everyday life, I encourage parents to buy grown-up laces for their child's shoes. This gives them the extra length to play with. Some children find it easier after tying the initial half hitch to make two loops and then tie together to play with. Experiment!!

A tip for fastening buttons on coats or cardigans, shirts and blouses (and this applies to adults as well!!) ALWAYS start at the BOTTOM, where you can see what you are doing - not at the top under your chin, or half-way down where it is guesswork.
N.B. Remove any 'spare' buttons that are put at the bottom of some shirts these days -
I have found these have confused many children in the reception class.

When teaching a child to tie a tie, remembering to stand behind if you are both the same handedness, start off with the wide end of the tie twice as long as the narrow end, and DO remember to get the child to say what he is doing, e.g. 'Start with the wide end very long and the narrow end very short. Put the wide end over the narrow end, then under the over again' etc.

Source and Copyright: Dyslexia Contact. Volume 5, No. 1, May 1986